The Art of Asking

"To erase the possibility of empathy is to erase the possibility of understanding.To erase the possibility of empathy is also to erase the possibility of art, theatre, fiction, horror stories, love stories. This is what art does. Good or bad, it imagines the insides, the heart of the other, whether that heart is full of light or trapped in darkness."

The Art of Asking

Amanda Palmer

I had never heard of Amanda Palmer. I had heard of her band, the Dresden Dolls. But I hadn't heard of her. I picked up this book because a friend is reading it. I picked up the book because I hate asking for things in my life. I'm so afraid of what asking for things says about me, or that my asking will give someone leverage over me, control over me. This book was magnificent. I loved it, I felt it. It is beautiful. It feels real.

In the Art of Asking follows Amanda's career from a street performer (she was one of those living statues) to the largest music Kickstarter to date. She goes into depth and detail the events of her life, and emphasizes how important it is to be able to ask for what you need, and how to hear others when they ask. Her stories were touching, and heartfelt. It was so wonderful to read a book that felt so extremely honest about wants and fears. This book was fantastic. 

I thought how interesting it was how loaded the act of asking people is, when it really shouldn't be. I work in a ski rental shop in the winter and I remember one day I couldn't get a binding to release on a boot, and I asked for help from a coworker who was stronger than me. The client preceded to tell me that my asking "wasn't very feminist." I was astounded that me admitting my weakness and asking for help could make me a "bad feminist." Though this is something that so many people feel at one point or another, that they can't ask for something because it might mean that we are not enough, it is one that is never talked about. 

I am so happy that Amanda wrote this book. It is important, and feels like an entirely new way of addressing the issue while asking thoughtful questions (such as what is the difference between asking and begging, and why is empathy sometimes considered a negative trait) and her stories are inspiring.  Everyone should read this book, and if Amanda ever reads this blog, I would like to thank her for writing.