"Whom to marry, and when it will happen- these two questions define every woman's existence, regardless of where she was raised or what religion she does or doesn't practice. She may grow up to love women instead of men, or to decide she simply doesn't believe in marriage. No matter. These dual contingencies govern her until they're answered, even if the answers are nobody and never."
Kate Bolick
Spinster
The opening lines of Spinster are a hook if I've ever seen one. The statement rings more true than I would ever want to admit in this century, with votes for women, and equal opportunity and all that; every once in a while the well meaning question from a relative asking, "when are you going to get married?" or "when will you find a nice man and settle down?" In movies the female lead often is married by the end of the plot, Disney princesses become queens.
Kate Bolick examines that cultural expectation in Spinster, through her five "awakeners" and her own experience and the result is a charming, humorous, thought provoking book that hit very close to home. Her examination of what it means to be single and coupled and what makes a woman a spinster, and the fear of becoming a bag lady are wonderful, and she challenges the expectation, left over from the 1950's, that as a woman "you are born, you grow up, you become a wife (Bolick 46)."
This examination, and comparison of, the expectations of women and men, with regards to marriage, also leads her to ask "Are women people yet?" Of course we are, but politics, law, and culture do not always treat us as we are and that is a problem that everyone should look at.
I really liked that it discussed that it is generally thought that women have to put a hold on their dreams and aspirations when they get married and have kids. One of the things that really bothered me in Breaking into the Current was that a majority of the women left the canyon to get married and have kids, as if the two are mutually exclusive. This is a theme that is also commonly seen in pop culture interview questions, where the focus is on the woman being a mother, and not her as a musician or an actress. Jennifer Garner once commented on how the most often question she received was "how do you balance your career and your family?" and how her husband, Ben Affleck, had never been asked that question.
Its wonderful to see a book that points out the double standards that men and women face in regards to marriage and family, and to do so well.
I really liked that it discussed that it is generally thought that women have to put a hold on their dreams and aspirations when they get married and have kids. One of the things that really bothered me in Breaking into the Current was that a majority of the women left the canyon to get married and have kids, as if the two are mutually exclusive. This is a theme that is also commonly seen in pop culture interview questions, where the focus is on the woman being a mother, and not her as a musician or an actress. Jennifer Garner once commented on how the most often question she received was "how do you balance your career and your family?" and how her husband, Ben Affleck, had never been asked that question.
Its wonderful to see a book that points out the double standards that men and women face in regards to marriage and family, and to do so well.
Funny, intriguing, and well written, this is a book that I think everyone should read.
Sounds alot like the same questions Simone de Beauvoir asked in most of her writings. It is sad that this question still has to be asked... In reference to "are woman human yet." Great job and keep it up one more off the list :) your practically sprinting through these books!!! Macaroni "clap clap clap clap!" ;)
ReplyDeleteI agree that its bs, There is still no equality clause in the amendment, still a wage gap between men and women. Its the same basic questions as de Beauvoir but examined through a lens 100 years later.
DeleteAnd thanx for the support!