We Are Not Ashamed Enough

"Women do not get raped because they weren't careful enough. Women get raped because some one raped them."

Jessica Valenti

The Purity Myth

Some books strike a chord deep in the readers soul because the book, and the characters in it, can be related to. The fact that far to many women will be able to relate to Missoula, Jon Krakauer's latest book, is one that is very disheartening. This book, and the events that it chronicles, have been the cause of so much political name calling, and victim shaming, and has shown the wide spread ignorance surrounding rape. It is an ignorance that we shouldn't be willing to stand for.

Rape is the most under reported violent crime. Studies have shown that only twenty percent of rapes are ever reported. And there is a reason that it is so low. Victims are often met with disbelief from the cops who are supposed to be investigating the crime, and subjected to blame and shaming from the general populace. The investigative questions often imply that it was the victims fault: "What were you wearing? Where you drinking? Why were you by yourself? If it is a case of non-stranger rape (over eighty percent of rapes are committed by someone the victim knew) seeking justice becomes even harder. It is a small wonder, with the trauma caused by coming forward, that any are reported at all.

In Missoula, Krakauer follows the stories of several women in Missoula, the nights they were raped, and the aftermath as the sought justice for the crimes committed against them. He follows their cases all the way through the justice system and what he found was atrocious. What is even more atrocious, is that the "Missoula rape crisis" is the norm for the frequency of rapes on college campuses, and the way the victims are treated is appalling as they navigate the justice system.

This book is important, and I do think that everyone should read it. If you have a wife, a sister, a daughter, or are the child of a mother, you should read it. Studies show that roughly one in five women are raped in their lifetime, and being that eighty percent of rapes are not reported the actual number is much higher. I can guarantee that everyone who reads this knows a woman who has been sexually assaulted. 

That being said, this is one of the hardest books I have ever read. It includes detailed testimony of several women, including the events of rape. I have friends who have been raped, and it hurt to remember the pain they were subjected to and the betrayal the experienced. The complete disrespect of another humans autonomy in this violent way is, in my mind, the worst crime that can be committed.

This book also made me feel deeply ashamed. Ashamed that this is the society we live in, and that a large portion of this society, thinks that the culture that allows these crimes to occur is acceptable. We are not ashamed enough. To be a victim of sexual assault has become a rite of passage for women in our society, and we are not ashamed enough. Men are not taught that disrespecting a persons autonomy is a crime, that consent cannot be given under physical and mental impairment, and the withdrawal of consent can happen at any time and we are not ashamed enough. And when these crimes occur, the victim is often blamed for what happened, shamed for events not in their control, and we are not ashamed enough. 

We are taught to be afraid of strangers when we are alone in the dark, long before we are taught to fear the wolf in sheeps clothing. It is not enough that we teach girls to avoid being raped, the idea in itself is absurd. We must teach boys not to rape, and the fact that this idea is so revolutionary is repulsive. We are not ashamed enough.